Blood On the Blade
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: "I was ready to die. I only had death in my heart." Post-Somalia; after a particularly trying case, Ziva and Tim have a long overdue talk, and she begins to realize that while Tony risked his life to save her, Tim risked his heart. McGiva.


**Blood On the Blade**

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Summary: "I was ready to die. I only had death in my heart." Post-Somalia; after a particularly trying case, Ziva and Tim have a long overdue talk, and she begins to realize that while Tony risked his life to save her, Tim risked his heart. McGiva. Prequel to a story I've got done and in the editing process, but haven't posted yet because I'm not entirely happy with it. **

She watched the whiskey swirl around in the glass, the golden liquid ringing as it moved and settled. She swallowed; she was the only one of her team at the bar that night, and though she'd ordered a drink, not once had she brought the glass to her lips. She just wasn't in the mood for alcohol. No, what she needed, was black coffee, a pastry, and a long conversation with the one person she knew could calm her fears.

So that was how she found herself at McGee's door, hand poised to knock. But just before her knuckles rapped on the wood, as if he'd sensed her faltering in the hallway, he pulled the door open, not the least bit surprised to see her standing there, looking for all the world like a child sent to bed without dinner. Without a word, he stepped aside, allowing her to enter and shed her coat. As he headed into the kitchen and poured a fresh cup of coffee, she realized that he also was still in his work clothes.

The day had been tough on the entire team- the children of a Naval Captain, snatched off the school bus as it stopped to let them off, disappearing into thin air, only for the team to find that a serial killer had taken the two girls and hidden out at the port. He'd then killed the younger girl before raping and attempting to murder the older girl, only for the MCRT to catch him in time before he could pull the trigger. When they'd looked into his background, they'd discovered that the man had been snatching children off the naval base for years, killing the younger one before raping and killing the older one. It had been a case all of them were glad was done when the end of the day rolled around.

Now, she accepted the cup and followed him to the sofa, pulling her legs under her as they settled down into silence. Neither would make eye contact, but eventually, the silence got to be defining, and she couldn't take it anymore. "Th... thank you, M... Tim." He looked up at her, watching as she tangled her fingers in the chain of her necklace. "For rescuing me." He shook his head.

"It was a team effort, Ziva. You and the team would have done the same for me." He replied, sipping the hot liquid, relishing the sensation as it slid down the back of his throat. She shook her head, finally making eye contact with him.

"It may have been a team effort, but you risked more than Gibbs and Tony combined."

"No, Ziva, I didn't." But she shook her head, not wanting to hear his protests. In an effort to get him to shut up, she grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers as she stared into his green eyes.

"I... I wanted to die." She let her gaze move to the ceiling as she tried desperately to blink the tears away. "By that point, I had accepted that you and the team were not coming for me, had most likely moved on, and I began to..." She sniffled, and he squeezed her hand. "I began to pray for death. I did not want to live any more." She licked her lips slowly. "And then you and Tony were brought into the dungeon, and... and I began to hope again. You risked your life for me, Tim."

But he shook his head, pulling away from her. "No, I didn't Ziva. I went along as backup, to help Tony avenge your death. If anyone risked their life for you, it was him, not me." He rested his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers, sighing. It hurt, telling her the true reason he had gone along, but that just meant that once it was out, he could let go of the torch he'd been carrying for the last several years and let Tony drive off into the sunset with her. "Tony..." He swallowed against the tears in his throat. "Tony risked his life for you, Ziva, because he loves you. He will never admit it, but he's absolutely in love with you. Always has been, always will be." He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "And you are with him."

The words stung, cutting into her like the knife Saleem had held to her throat as she'd tried to bargain with the man to spare her partners and kill her. When he'd pulled her hair and pressed the knife into her skin, she'd felt the blood pool at the soft edge of the blade; now, months later, she sat next to Tim; her partner, her best friend, and found that instead of the knife at her throat, it was being held to his. She reached out for him, scooting closer and laying her head on his shoulder as she reached down and took his hand. She waited, but when he didn't pull away, she laced their fingers, her gaze going down to their hands. It was then that she saw what she'd neglected to see for so long.

His hands, those fingers of his, were long and slender and soft. His nails were short and pink, smooth and healthy. She couldn't believe that this was the same man that had welcomed and trusted her from their first meeting in the bullpen, and that now, he was pulling away from her. She had trusted him with her darkest, deepest secrets, and hidden desires. And now, he was pulling away from her, just when she was ready to admit to what she'd been denying for too long since returning from Somalia.

"I am not in love with Tony. Infuriated, intrigued, yes, but not in love with. Never in love with." He turned to look at her and she raised her head from its resting place on her shoulder. "Yes, Tony risked his life to save me, but his heart has always belonged to Jeanne. It will always belong to Jeanne. And I would not accept his heart if he did offer it. He is not the one I am in love with." She laid her head on his arm again, sighing as she squeezed his hand. A moment passed, before she swallowed the fear climbing up her throat and lifted her head to meet his green gaze. "You risked your heart to save me, Tim. You not only risked your life, but your heart, and for that, I will always be grateful." She reached up, brushing a tear off his cheek. "You."

"Ziva, I-"

"You are the man I am in love with, Tim. It has always been you. But after Somalia, I... I was too scared to admit it; I was frightened you would not feel the same." She met his gaze, her eyes filled with tears. "I have always loved you, Tim. From the moment we worked our first case together." She reached up, taking his face in her hand, and tugging his chin towards her. "It has just taken me this long to accept it. Can you forgive me?" He searched her face, before giving her his answer, meeting her lips in a gentle kiss.


End file.
